Monday, February 23, 2009

Red flags of relational difficulties-you better stop the relationship now.
1. You have a general uneasy feeling that there is something wrong in your relationship with your fiance(e).
2. You find yourself arguing often with your fiance(e).
3. Your fiance(e) seems irrationally jealous whenever you interact with someone of the opposite sex.
4. You avoid discussing certain subjects because you are afraid of you fiance(e)'s reaction.
5. Your fiance(e) finds it extremely difficult to express emotions, or is prone to extreme emotions (such as out of control anger or exaggerated fear) or swinging back and forth between emotional extremes (such as being very happy one minute, then suddenly exhibiting extreme sadness the next day).
6. Your fiance(e) displays controlling behavior. This means more than wanting to be in charge-it means your fiance(e) seems to want to control every aspect of your life: your appearance, your lifestyle, your interactions with friends or family, etc. Your fiance(e) seems to manipulate you into doing what he or she wants.
7. You are continuing the relationship because of fear--fear of hurting your fiance(e) or fear of what he or she might do if you ended the relationship.
8. Your fiance(e) does not treat you with respect. He or she constantly criticizes you or talks sarcastically to you.
9. Your fiance(e) is unable to hold down a job, doesn't take personal responsibility for losing a job, or he or she frequently borrows money from you or friends.
10. Your fiance(e) often talks about imagined aches and pains, going from doctor to doctor until he or she finds someone who will agree that he or she is seriously ill.
11. Your fiance(e) is unable to resolve conflict. He or she cannot deal with constructive criticism, never admits a mistake and never asks for forgiveness.
12. Your fiance(e) is overly-dependent on parents for finances, decision-making or emotional security.
13. Your fiance(e) shows a pattern of dishonesty, rationalizing questionable behavior or twisting words to his or her benefit.
14. Your fiance(e) exhibits patterns of physical, emotional or sexual abuse toward you r others. If he or she has ever threatened to hit you or actually struck you, this is a warning sign of future abuse. If he or she puts you down or continually criticizes you, this is a sign of emotional abusiveness.
15. Your fiance(e) displays signs of drug or alcohol abuse: unexplained absences or missed dates, frequent car accidents, the smell of alcohol or strong odor of mouthwash, erratic behavior or emotional swings, physical signs such as red eyes, unkempt look, unexplained nervousness etc.
16. Your fiance(e) displays a sudden, dramatic change in lifestyle as you began dating. (He or she may be changing just to win you and will revert back to old habits after marriage).
(Preparing for marriage by David Boehi...)

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